i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize