WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
