She went from zero to smokin in five shots
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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