I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Mom said you looked used
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
