great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
