im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
don't judge my taste in strippers
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
