I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
