cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
