My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize