i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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