Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
