okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
