i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
