Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
