My nipple is on Facebook.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
