fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize