I love black thongs
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
