Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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