I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
