You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
