I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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