return my video game
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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