we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize