Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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