Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
