If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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