I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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