And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so explain again why im purple
no
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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