she was so not down for the gang bang
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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