And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
