He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
