Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize