Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
