i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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