Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
