i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize