all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
FUCK WHALES
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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