I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The air was thick with penises
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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