The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
