mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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