He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
