he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
