The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
