her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Randomize
