seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
