you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
