I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
