i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
