I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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