I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize