What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Say something about gay babies.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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