just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
