You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
