And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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