her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
