throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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