Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you never un-have a 4some
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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