I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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