boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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