u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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