Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
