that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
