Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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