Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it glows. i had to have it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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