Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
