Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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