It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
