I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
