god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize