This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just found puke in my bra..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
