I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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