what day is it and did you see me today?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
