I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
