the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize